do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
