He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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