two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i drank out of a bidet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
