i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
