My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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