Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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