A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
