Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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