I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
