Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just found puke in my bra..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Rumble strips road head = magical
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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