Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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