New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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