This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
