She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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