I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
