Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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