This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
