So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
