come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
