I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
