had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
