Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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