how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She bit a glass in half.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
