What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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