On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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