my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There are leaves in my underwear?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
