The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
