What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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