What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
