Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
