Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize