pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
