you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
