We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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