Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
