There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize