I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Randomize
