i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
