I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
