So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize