420 ftw
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
