last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
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Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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