Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
