just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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