I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
