I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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