she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
