He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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