An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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