I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
