Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
