Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
