Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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