Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
