Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
