Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
