Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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