6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
