she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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