If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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