Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
