I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
