No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
