Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
