I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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