Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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