dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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