I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
