So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
